


Teppanyaki in Autumn

by JemTheKingOfSass



Series: Single dads & sakura blossoms [3]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, HaruGou bffs, M/M, Makoto and Sousuke are elementary school kids, Rin and Haru did not meet as children, Single father!Haruka, Single father!Rin, SouMako bffs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-29 07:37:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14468001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemTheKingOfSass/pseuds/JemTheKingOfSass
Summary: Haruka tore his gaze away from the ceiling, as he followed the quick flow of words, a little frustrated with himself that he was being so obvious in his mild irritation about the hotel location. He was not upset about it or anything, he just questioned Rin’s tastea little. That line of thought needed to end there though, or Rin would probably dwell only on the negatives for the evening and this date would skid to an early end. He was already on the defensive about the meal choice. Haruka did not want him thinking he was at all unhappy about Rin leading the date’s direction, like the things he chose were not good enough for Haruka. That is not how Haruka feltat all, he just disliked tourist destinations. He liked Rin. A lot. More than authentic Japanese restaurants.





	Teppanyaki in Autumn

**Author's Note:**

> It's the RH second date! 
> 
> You could probably get away with reading this on it's own, but things will make more sense by reading [A Cherry Blossom Crown](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14200626) (pt 2) first. It gives background as to why Rin reacts to certain things the way he does in this part of the story, plus explains how each of them came to be fathers.
> 
>  

 

 

Haruka glanced at his phone as he reached his destination. He hated carrying his phone everywhere. One time Makoto tried to reach him while he was deeply ensconced in his art studio. His son was running late on his way to their meeting spot and was, predictably, panicking. When he was not where he was supposed to be waiting for his father at the designated time, Haruka panicked, which made Makoto panic all over again once they located each other. All in all, there was far too much panic that day simply because the man loathed being tied to a communication device. 

 

Haruka was late to the Tatsumi station, where he was meeting his date before they rode the Tokyo Metro to the location of their second excursion. They had agreed to meet at the station because Haruka did not want the man he was going out with to have to drag himself all the way across the prefecture for the second time in a week just to pick him up. He should have offered to collect the other man at his home instead, although he likely still would have been late going to an address he had never been before. This probably was the best solution for Haruka’s faulty timetable. He did not know him extremely well yet, however he just _knew_ that the buoyant redhead had been waiting for him at the train station for at least a quarter hour. Sure enough, as he approached the turnstiles to brandish his PASMO card, there was his date, leaning casually against the pillar that separated the gates, scrolling through his own phone.

 

Rin. Not for the first time, Haruka wondered how someone could appear so casual and confident with the grace of a professional athlete half the time, and then turn around and be jittery, tentative, and awkwardly clumsy the other half of the time. He had even asked Rin’s sister after their first date, which had lasted an entire day and was one of the favorite days in his life so far, if Rin always operated as his own polar opposite. Gou had laughed loudly and said that Haruka just described her brother in a nutshell after limited exposure.

 

Haruka watched him for a second before voicing a greeting. Despite having only met Rin a week ago, he had _seen_ him numerous times over the years. Haruka was a former competitive swimmer and always watched the Olympic aquatic events, FINA World Championships, and Japanese National Championships. Rin had been swimming for the national team for the last eleven years and Haruka had yet to miss one of his events. His excuse was that Gou was one of his best friends and it felt like he should support her brother in his hard-fought bids for glory. Far below the surface, when he admitted it to himself, he lived vicariously through Rin and deeply appreciated the authenticity of his style. He was like no one else in the water. He churned through a pool like he was trying to beat the water into submission, tame it, control it, defeat it. 

 

Having seen Rin age over the last decade wearing very little except for jammers and a swim cap, Haruka appreciated how Rin had grown into his body. He had always been attractive, but now that he was out of his twenties (birthdate 02/02/87, Haruka had memorized that information from swimming chats and Rin’s Wikipedia page long ago), he now looked perfectly filled out and adult and _so pretty_. Haruka wondered if Rin would prefer the term handsome but that word was not quite right. He definitely was handsome and the word fit him fine, but really, Haruka found him _gorgeous_. 

 

“Whatcha thinking about, Haru?” said gorgeous man smiled, as he slid his phone away so quickly it appeared to hold no interest for him now that Haruka had arrived. He sounded thoroughly entertained by the first few seconds of their date already. 

 

Haruka frowned slightly. He had been caught daydreaming about the person _standing right in front of him_ , pondering how he would react to terms explaining exactly how visually pleasing to the eye Haruka found him. Maybe he should just tell him and be done with it. That was surely better than talking about the swim chats, and how Haruka was far from being the only person who found Rin attractive. Interestingly to Haruka, he found that most participants of swimming fan sites were female, and appreciated the beauty of Rin’s face and the fact that “omg he’s A+++++ on the hottie scale, 10/10 I would not kick him out of bed for eating crackers” more appealing than his butterfly technique. He recalled the first response to the cracker comment “girl plz, he could EAT CRACKERS DIRECTLY ONTO MY PILLOW and I would happily shove my face in the crumbs”, which led to a steady decline in that particular conversational thread as there had been numerous replies explaining exactly how and where they would like parts of Rin shoved in relation to themselves. No, he would rather come clean about finding Rin attractive than the amount of time he had spent perusing fan sites and reading inane threads. 

 

“Do you prefer to be called pretty, handsome, or beautiful?” Haru questioned, feeling confident this would not bother Rin in the least, as he had _already told him he was beautiful_ on the day they met, and it _was_ what he had been thinking about. Mostly.

 

The man in front of him managed to choke on air, while his eyes doubled in size and ceased blinking for a couple seconds. “H-Haru! Why are you standing there thinking about that?”

 

Partial honesty backfired, but Haruka knew full disclosure was _not an option_. “Alright. I’ll stick with pretty, although there are moments when beautiful fits you better. Like when you are exhausted after a 200 meter butterfly final, and your cheeks are pink and your mouth hangs open just a little, and you look so proud of yourself for finishing and doing your best.”

 

Haruka observed the face in front of him. He saw flushed cheeks and slightly parted lips. Instead of pride though, the wide carmine eyes positively sparkled. Rin stared at him for a beat, head tilted to the side like he was seeing an odd exhibit at the zoo, and then burst out into loud barking guffaws that gained the attention of a few people making their way through the Metro gates. 

 

“Oh Haru!” He wheezed out, while his left hand clutched his side. “You say such weird stuff!” He laughed some more, then attempted to gather himself as he wiped his eyes. “I’m always saying stupid shit, completely embarrassing myself and then I worry too long about it. You just own it and it makes me happy being around you.”

 

Rin glanced down at the ground, then looked back up into Haruka’s eyes. A small furrow appeared between his eyebrows and his lips pressed into a thin line. Haruka was astounded at the number and quality of expressions that flitted over Rin’s face in such short periods of time. He noticed his lips moving and focused on the words that were coming out, in the baritone he already enjoyed listening to far more than he probably should. 

 

“I really like spending time with you.”

 

“You’re pretty, and you’re a beautiful swimmer, and I enjoy spending time with you too, Rin. Should we actually get on a train now?” Haruka moved to finally swipe his transit card. He heard Rin take a deep breath behind him as he moved closer to follow Haruka through the turnstiles.

 

**

 

Rin and Haruka stepped off the train at the Yūrakuchō Station and began making their way towards Rin’s chosen restaurant, Kamon, a teppanyaki place in Chiyoda. Rin led the way along the street for a few blocks, until they came to the entrance of the Imperial Hotel. Haruka was confused. He peered around Rin, looking up and down the street, wondering where the restaurant was _actually_ located. There was no way Rin had chosen to eat at a hotel, a venue designed for tourists. To his surprise and chagrin, Rin opened the door with a smile and a flourish and gestured for him to go through into the lobby. Haruka focused on nothing but keeping any sort of sour look off his face. He was concentrating so hard, he missed Rin move towards the elevators and he had to jog to catch up to him before it was noted that he lagged behind. 

 

“Are you okay, Haru,” Rin peered at his face with concern. He leaned past Haruka to hit the up button, which dinged immediately and saved Haruka from an explanation of the apparently odd look on his face. He wondered what he looked like when he was trying to appear neutral and not grumpy. 

 

As they stepped into the elevator, Haruka surreptitiously noted every surface, hoping one of them was mildly reflective so he understood why Rin had commented on his face. He finally tilted his head up and saw a mirrored ceiling above him. He stared but all he saw was his normal expression. He focused on the dinner awaiting him in a _hotel_ and watched his face for any noticeable changes. That was definitely a grimace. He looked to the right of his own face and caught Rin’s eye in the mirrored tiles. 

 

Eyebrow cocked, burgundy eyes curious, lips pursed, Rin let out his breath in a short puff. “Haru? Are you mad at me or something? You’ve been really quiet. I figured out over the last week that you aren’t a huge talker but even so, you haven’t really said anything to me since we got on the train.” Rin paused and Haruka watched as he pushed a floor number on the wall panel. “Do you not like teppanyaki? I think tableside cooking is a fun experience, I thought maybe you like it too. But, well, we can go somewhere else if it bothers you.”

 

Haruka tore his gaze away from the ceiling, as he followed the quick flow of words, a little frustrated with himself that he was being so obvious in his mild irritation about the hotel location. He was not upset about it or anything, he just questioned Rin’s taste _a little_. That line of thought needed to end there though, or Rin would probably dwell only on the negatives for the evening and this date would skid to an early end. He was already on the defensive about the meal choice. Haruka did not want him thinking he was at all unhappy about Rin leading the date’s direction, like the things he chose were not good enough for Haruka. That is not how Haruka felt _at all_ , he just disliked tourist destinations. He liked Rin. A lot. More than authentic Japanese restaurants. 

 

Before Haruka responded, the elevator pinged as it finally reached its destination, which he noted was the seventeenth floor. He stepped into the hallway by himself, awaiting instruction on which way to go but there was no one to guide him. He turned back towards the elevator. Rin still stood there, shoulders slightly hunched, with an expression on his face that Haruka would sacrifice his favorite easel to never see again. 

 

He raised his head to meet Haruka’s stare. He shrugged, but the gesture looked defeated, and the weak smile he put on his face was even worse. “It’s fine Haru, where do you want to go?”

 

No. No no no. It was not fine.

 

Haruka had listened to Rin hint at the problems with his ex-wife Mio, had noted the few times Gou allowed herself to rant about her ex-sister-in-law, had heard Sousuke’s version of stories which were exceedingly flattering towards his father and Haruka assumed were the product of a son’s hero-worship. The realization of the depth of Rin’s relationship fallout hit him in the face. Sure, his own history with Makoto’s mother was devastating and still filled his heart with pain when he visited her grave every year on the anniversary of her death. Sometimes, Makoto would do something that would slam him with a memory and it would temporarily _cripple_ him. Yet, they had adored each other. Perhaps in the eyes of others they had only been friends, but Haruka and Yui were torn from each other after creating history together, creating love together, _creating a human together_. He and Rin were both single fathers of the same age, with sons who were best friends, but maybe that was were the similarities ended. Haruka wanted to date Rin, he wanted a lot of things with Rin if he examined the thoughts he had recently started entertaining late at night alone in bed. He had grieved Yui and moved on. His heart had hurt and it took time, but it ultimately scabbed over and was ready to beat again, wildly and freely, the way it was meant to. 

 

Haruka walked back into the elevator. Rin lifted his arm to the panel of buttons, awaiting instruction. “Ground floor then? You’ve thought of somewhere better?”

 

Haruka shook his head and placed himself directly in front of Rin, who took a step back. 

 

No.

 

Haruka stepped towards the other man again, knowing he would again recoil. He walked him all the way back to the elevator wall, where mercifully there was nowhere else to retreat. Haruka knew he was about to invade Rin’s space and be far too forward but he needed to do something about this situation _right now_ before he irrevocably destroyed the seedling that had grown over the last few days. His assumptions about Rin were wrong and misguided and arrogant. How could he think he understood someone else’s experiences simply because they appeared in a similar life situation at the moment? Did he grasp the essence, the core of Rin because he had surfed fan sites and read through chat conversations about the swimmer, because he had memorized the stat sheet of Matsuoka Rin’s life? Maybe on paper the loss that Haruka had been through was perceived as more difficult than Rin’s failed marriage. Many people had lived through broken relationships and come out the other side seemingly unscathed and emotionally healthy. The reality was that Rin clearly still struggled, still lived with the the ghosts of failure, still put his self-worth in the hands of a woman who was _not good enough for him_. It angered Haruka. That it had taken _his own negligence_ for him to realize that this was even a possibility, angered him even more.

 

He placed his hand firmly on Rin’s chest, right over his heart. “Rin. I’ve been telling you for the past week that you apologize too much. I don’t apologize enough. I am sorry.”

 

Rin shook his head. “No, Haru-”

 

“Yes. I’m sorry, Rin. I’m haven’t been listening to all the things you _aren’t_ saying. They claim it’s bad form to talk about your ex-partners on a date, that it will hurt the other person. I don’t care.” He waved the hand that was not still planted on Rin’s body dismissively. “I’ll talk about Yui if you want, that’s up to you. But you have to tell me about Mio. I want to know everything, the good, the bad, the mundane. Rin, what did she do to you?”

 

Flat red eyes bore into his. “She fucked me up, Haru.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Haruka demanded, determined to not let Rin evade this topic, making it seem like it was all a minor nuisance in his history, dealt with long ago. 

 

Haruka jumped and finally lowered his hand as the elevator doors slid open and two women danced into the space. They giggled as they blearily looked over at the two men at the back of the elevator. One of them sidled over, took a sidelong glance at Haruka, and summarily dismissed him. She smirked and turned her attention to Rin, dark brown eyes giving at least two once-overs. She flicked her long chocolate hair over a shoulder. 

 

“Hey,” she began, an uninspired word if Haruka had ever heard one. “You look familiar.”

 

Haruka watched Rin’s eyes shutter, as he painted on a gracious face. “Ah, maybe. Are you a sports fan?” Haruka noted the tightness along Rin’s shoulders, the stiff way he held his head, the emptiness of his smile. This was a far cry from the ease with which he normally conducted himself in front of fans, the confident and open manner he displayed honestly to people who wanted to talk to him, congratulate him, thank him, share their story with him. He had even told Haruka he truly enjoyed meeting fans and children and especially those he had inspired.

 

The woman traced a finger up Rin’s arm as she pushed her face in towards his neck and leered at him. “I don’t know sports but I do know quality meat when I see it. And you are a fine cut of beef.”

 

Rin blanched, Haruka had heard enough. “He’s with me. This is our floor.” He grabbed Rin’s hand and tugged him forward, while he jabbed his finger repeatedly into the “Door Open” button. He threw a frown over his shoulder as he removed them both from the elevator. “And thank you for convincing us to avoid the saké.”

 

Rin yanked his hand from Haruka’s grip. “Haru-”

 

“I want to eat here and enjoy a teppanyaki meal. I haven’t been in ages and they’re fun. I wasn’t expecting a restaurant in a hotel and I acted like a brat because of it. I’m sorry for that and for a few other things.” Haruka took a breath. He had not had to consider another adult’s feelings in a long time, but he wanted to listen to Rin and know what he thought about things, how he felt about things. Rin had closed himself off for the night as much as Haruka could stand. He was determined to reel him back in, see that spark that lit him up from within. Rin made him feel things, Rin made him want things, and he wanted to feel and want those things _with Rin_. He wanted to bask in that same glow. 

 

“Are you sure?” Rin asked, giving Haruka one final out for this date. Haruka did not want an out. He wanted to be nothing but _in_ with this man. 

 

Haruka smiled, feeling relieved there was an opening in Rin’s shield. Rin had likely never felt the need to raise it upon meeting him. Until Haruka had located it, laying dormant and forgotten on the floor, and shoved it into Rin’s hands. “I’m sure.”

 

The redhead gave a small grin. Haruka saw a small twinkle return to his eyes and his body relax. “You really want to hear all about Mio? That’s more of a pub and a bottle or two of liquor kind of conversation.”

 

Haruka laughed, the relief loosening all his usual responses and dismissing any nerves he harbored. “Fine. Maybe that will be where we head next.”

 

“So you’re a glutton for punishment?” Rin teased.

 

“If I was, I would have stayed in that elevator. I’ve never felt so unwanted,” a fake pout found its way onto Haruka’s face. “Did you see how quickly I was cast aside?”

 

“Come on, Haru, can you blame them?” Rin teased with a wink and false bravado. 

 

“Does that happen to you a lot?” 

 

Rin rubbed the back of his neck and looked down the hall. “Eh, maybe? Though usually they pretend to know who I am.”

 

Haruka chuckled. “I’m sure it doesn’t help.” Rin’s face tightened. “Hang on, _does_ it help?”

 

“Well, I’m not a monk, Haru. I have...needs. Which sounds really lame when I say it out loud. You’d think after Sousuke I would have learned my lesson,” Rin muttered under his breath.

 

Haruka snorted, he could not believe that last remark. “He’s nine years old, Rin. I don’t think anyone judges you for not avoiding human contact in that span.”

 

“I don’t care about what people think if they see me with a woman, I care what you think, Haru,” Rin pinned him with a significant look. “How about you?”

 

Haruka lifted a shoulder. “I’ve never had any interest in women.” He suddenly realized that was not what Rin was asking. “My life is full with Makoto and my art, especially when I have an exhibit. To be honest, nine years have flown by and up until the last year or so I haven’t thought about dating much at all.”

 

“You’re fulfilled by your paint brushes?” Rin joked.

 

Haruka looked deeply into Rin’s eyes, until all traces of amusement were gone. “I do feel a deep sense of fulfillment from my art, as well as from Makoto. But now I think I need more in my life than how I earn money and being a father. I want to share my life with someone, I want to share someone’s else’s life.”

 

Rin’s eyes were a little moist. “Like a team?”

 

Haruka gazed at the man standing next to him fondly. “Yes, exactly like a team.” He reached for Rin’s hand and gave a light squeeze. “Let’s go eat and enjoy the experience.”

 

**

 

Haruka watched the chefs grilling and flipping food at the table next to theirs, thoroughly entertained by the cooking process. The rhythm emptied his head of excess thoughts, allowing him to lose himself in the process and showmanship. His mouth watered smelling all the cooking vegetables and meats. He saw the smoke clouded over the grill, he smelled the aroma of mirin and garlic, he felt an elbow in his side.

 

Rin laughed at him. “Not so bad here, eh? Even though it’s just a hotel restaurant?”

 

“No it’s not bad,” Haruka conceded willingly. “But there are teppanyaki grills all over Tokyo. Why here?”

 

“Ah. Well, Chiyoda isn’t too far from where we both live,” Rin trailed off. 

 

“And?”

 

“Well, this is designed to be a tourist-friendly restaurant. So they speak other languages here.”

 

“And?”

 

“Damn it, Haru, I wanted that.”

 

“Why? We’re in Japan. Don’t you spend enough time having to communicate in other countries?”

 

“But I know a few other languages, in some of them I’m completely fluent. And well, I wanted to show off in front of you a little! But I didn’t think I’d have to admit that to your face. Before we’ve even ordered.”

 

“What do you speak?”

 

“What languages? Oh, I’m fluent in English and French. I have working knowledge in Mandarin and Spanish. Thanks to French and Spanish, I can muddle my way through Italian. Right now I’m teaching myself German.”

 

“Will you order in another language?”

 

“Why? It won’t surprise you anymore.”

 

“I thought you wanted to impress me, Rin. Believe me, I’ll be completely wowed by you speaking in any of those languages you mentioned.”

 

“How about English, I know they use that here. Look, everything is written in English and Japanese.”

 

Haru hummed in agreement, excited at the thought of hearing Rin speak in a foreign tongue, even though now the man obviously felt a little silly at his attempt of linguistically fluffing his feathers for show. He was willing to put himself out there, potentially come across as less than perfect _for Haruka_. He peered over to see Rin watching the people work the grill with rapt attention. Definitely pretty. 

 

Should Haruka put himself out there? He mulled over what of the many things to tell Rin that _he knew_ made himself eccentric, something Rin could not possibly know yet. It occurred to him that as soon as Makoto was finally able to spend time with his friend’s father, any number of unfiltered “hey guess what my dad did this one time we went to the beach!” tales could be shared with enthusiasm. The more these thoughts scrolled through his head, the more he considered them a benefit. He _wanted_ Rin to know more about him, and it would be easier and less bothersome to have someone close to the action relay all the details. Gou would be disappointed in him if she was privy to the knowledge that he was already seeking the path of least resistance, especially in regards to her brother, who he knew was more than willing to strive, put forth extra effort for a result he desired. The man was a medal-winning athlete on the world stage, obviously he understood pushing himself out of his comfort zone. He would expect nothing less from Haruka. 

 

“Rin.” Haruka bought himself a few extra seconds.

 

The redhead looked over, appearing pleased at the initiated conversation given the reason for the poor turn of the evening earlier. “Haru?”

 

At that exact moment, a waiter materialized at their table. Haruka almost got a crick in his neck from the speed at which he turned his head in Rin’s direction. The man did not disappoint. English flowed off his tongue smoothly and with practically no discernible accent, as he ordered the things they had discussed ahead of time. Seaweed salad to start, followed by prawns and scallops for Haruka, a variety of wagyu beef for Rin, a selection of vegetables, including a mountain of diced onions for drama, and fried rice to finish. Rin concluded his business with the waiter and peeked over at him. 

 

“Well?” Rin not-so-subtly fished for well-deserved compliments.

 

Haruka lavished him in a style all his own. “You did good, Rin.”

 

His date huffed in amusement and shook his head. “Thanks, Haru. Now. What were you about to say?”

 

“Oh.” Might as well just _put himself out there_ and let the chips fall as they may. “I’ve read about you before.” 

 

“Oh yeah? What have you read? Wait, I should be asking where you read it, since I think that makes a difference on the integrity of the information. You more of a hard facts or a juicy gossip kinda guy?” Rin grinned and leaned forward expectantly. 

 

Haruka’s face felt overly warm. He had just been called out and he had not even dug that deeply into exposing himself yet. Ardent red eyes locked on his in expectation, he felt pinned underneath that stare. Despite the intensity, Rin’s face held no malice or judgment, just genuine curiosity, which inspired Haruka to _grow up already_ and power through the following admission that his counterpart might, maybe hopefully, find endearing. “All of it.”

 

The chin across from him, a chin that Haruka longed to lick until his tongue felt like sandpaper, tilted to the side and moved as its owner responded. He snapped his eyes back up to Rin’s. 

 

“All of it? What do you mean?”

 

He could not bring himself to feel mortified, he did not feel badly about it. He was a little concerned at how Rin would react, that was it. “I think I’ve read almost everything about you. News articles, interviews, fan blogs, swim forum chats, that “Getting to know your Japanese Olympians” bio that came out for London.”

 

Rin’s eyes widened. “Swim forum chats? Haru, that kinda stuff is for crazy prepubescent fan girls!”

 

“You’d be surprised, most of the women on those are older than you’d think.”

 

“Really?”

 

“You go on your own fan blogs?”

 

“Eh, not anymore. I used to though when I was younger. I really needed validation, Haru, you have no idea. But I stopped reading when I found people speculating about my dad, wondering if I’d made the whole ‘he died’ story up to garner sympathy and support. That threw me off my game for awhile.”

 

“That’s horrible.”

 

“I’d give up every medal, every record, if he was still alive, Haru. I’d give up everything except Sousuke. You know, you wanted to talk about Mio? Here’s a story for you. When I found that online conversation about my dad, she saw I was pretty upset by it, not that anyone has to know me well to see when something bothers me. But she noticed it was affecting my swimming and sleeping, so she made up a fake username and went to go troll everyone making stupid comments. She called herself ToraichisGhost. She has a sharp tongue and she was on a mission.”

 

Haruka wondered if he’d ever seen anything written from that user but he could not recall. He never paid too much attention to the disputes, more interested in factoids about the swimmer. “Did it work? Did you feel better after being avenged?”

 

Rin beamed, unusually content to be talking about Mio. “Ha! Yeah, yeah I did. Actually that whole situation was one of the things that inspired me to ask her to marry me. I was so sure we were right for each other.”

 

“And once you make a decision, you’re sure of it and you stick with it.” Haruka guessed based on what he knew so far of his companion, one of the numerous details about the _very real person_ that was unknown to Rin’s many anonymous fans.

 

“Yeah, I tend to stick with my choices, but I always do a ton of mental gymnastics and second-guessing and just too much thinking, you know? But I never second-guessed asking Mio to marry me, what does that tell you?” Rin paused and fiddled with his drink napkin. “I don’t know where everyone gets the idea that I’m totally sure of what I’m doing. I still don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. People ask me a question and my first thought is to look for my mom to take control. Now there’s a woman with all the answers.”

 

“I love your mother,” he blurted out.

 

“You know my mom? Oh wait, of course you do. How have you and I never met before last week?” Rin sounded positively flabbergasted.

 

Haruka nodded. “I’ve wondered that too.”

 

“Although, Haru,” a predator lurched towards him, a spark in his wine-hued eyes and his voice quiet. “Why meet me when you can read all about me instead? Don’t think I’ve already forgotten that you basically just told me that you’ve stalked me for years.”

 

“It wasn’t really stalking,” he shot back, on the defensive.

 

“Next you’ll tell me that in your art studio I’ll find portraits of ‘Matsuoka Rin’ throughout the years,” Rin snickered as Haruka’s face exploded with heat. His jaw fell open. “No way! Haru, you have not painted me!” 

 

“It’s just a sketchbook,” Haruka mumbled out, finally feeling a twinge of embarrassment that Rin had guessed at something so private and that _no one alive knew_. He glanced at Rin who had a soft smile on his face.

 

“You do sketches of me? Can I see them sometime?” Seriously, how could one individual have this many facial expressions and vocal intonations? Haruka considered that part of Rin’s professional training regimen must be toning his cheek and forehead muscles for extreme overuse.

 

“I like to draw you in the water. I appreciate how you swim, how you dive in, how you pull yourself out. I saw you compete in the Japanese National Championships last year, for Olympic qualifying. I’ve enjoyed watching you since we were college age, but you captivated me at that meet.”

 

“Really?” Rin sounded doubtful and too hesitant for someone telling him he was outstanding at something that had defined him his entire adult life, if not longer. “My swimming captivates you?”

 

“Yes,” Haruka breathed out. “You’re powerful. When I swim, the water embraces me and I slip through it, but you move it out of the way and make it yours. Water submits to you.”

 

Rin looked intrigued. “Why didn’t you come talk to me? Last year at Nationals?”

 

“Your sister brought me down to poolside with her and your mother and Sousuke. I don’t like meeting new people but she thought it would be great, and she made me promise that if I wanted a good seat at the event I had to meet you after.”

 

“Yeah, I found my family after getting changed and interviewed, I remember I had like ten minutes to get smothered by hugs before the official press conference. I’d know if you’d been there.”

 

“I was there. But I left before you were done with those reporters.”

 

“Why? I’m not that scary, Haru.”

 

“All of your team that earned spots on the Olympic team were being interviewed. You were on the end closest to us and we could hear your answers.”

 

_Matsuoka-senshu, I’ve asked all the swimming questions but I’ve got you for another minute. Can I ask a couple personal questions, off the record?_

_Sure, Tanaka-san._

_It’s common knowledge that you’re separated from your wife. Is there any other special woman in your life with who you’ll share your good news?_

_Ah. I haven’t found a woman special enough, I guess._

_Any interest in finding her before the Olympics or do you only have eyes for the pool?_

_Ha! I don’t have time for a relationship right now. Swimming, my son, and my charity work take up all my time. I’m afraid I’m not interested in being with anyone right now. I just don’t have the time and don’t want to make the effort._

_Even if the right woman came along?_

_Even then. I’m doing just fine by myself._

_Your son is all you need?_

_He’s more than enough. In fact, I need to go see him now._

_Thank you for your time._

 

“Okay, but-”

 

Haruka interrupted. “I heard what you said about not wanting a relationship and not having any time and not having found the right woman yet.”

 

“So because of that you didn’t want to meet me at all?” Rin was incredulous.

 

“I knew I’d want more than that if I did,” he insisted. He had to make Rin understand why he had avoided him.

 

“What?” Now the man seemed genuinely confused.

 

“Rin. You’re inspirational. You teach children who can’t afford swimming lessons how to swim, so they can safely play in the water without drowning. You raise a son by yourself, and I have the pleasure of knowing Sousuke and seeing how great of a job you’re doing with him. You’ve never allowed the death of your father to define you or take you down, you use it to motivate you and push past walls. You never stop trying. You talk about hard work and finding the right motivation and having big dreams, and then you live what you preach. You were a top student, you went to university even though you landed a spot on the National Team during that time. I’m sure that encourages teenagers to keep at their education, knowing that lofty goals and a degree don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Gou has told me about all the little things you do for your neighbors, like making ramen with Sou and then bringing it to the woman across the hall who has a cold because you took the time to talk with her at the mailbox and you heard she didn’t have the energy to cook for herself. I don’t think there is anything you can’t do if you want it.” Haruka stopped abruptly, amazed at how easily all that had flown from his mouth. It was easy to tell Rin how stunning he found him because _it was all true_ and how could he _not know_ how special he was?

 

“Haru.” Rin was flushed pink and his eyes has ceased blinking.

 

“Why would anyone not want to know you?” Haruka finished his speech on a whimper instead of a bang. 

 

“I still don’t understand why didn’t you come talk to me.”

 

“I should have. I should have wanted to be only friends. But I’m a man, Rin.”

 

“You’re a man. So am I.”

 

“You were married to a woman. That reporter only asked about women, you didn’t dissuade her.”

 

“Haru.”

 

“I thought my feelings were my own to deal with and would never be reciprocated. I should have talked to you, so we could at least be friends. I couldn’t bring myself to do it that day and feel rejected. It doesn’t make any sense.” Haruka knew this was an issue inside his own head and it did not really excuse him from cowardice and _the entire year_ he could have known Rin longer. All this chemistry and tension and energy would have begun sooner. Makoto would have found his best friend a year earlier. 

 

“No, it does make sense. That being said, if our roles had been reversed, I’m sure I’d have bulled my way over to you regardless and forced you to consider me as more. I’m a little pushy, I always have been. But I think I understand why you avoided me.” Rin ran a hand through his hair, temporarily relieving his face from his bangs. Haruka appreciated his own handiwork, Rin was even more beautiful without his face hiding behind copious amounts of hair. He was glad he had not trimmed the bangs too short though, there was something distinctively _Rin_ about them. “But, Haru, I had to say those things.”

 

He was skeptical of that excuse. “You don’t have to do anything.”

 

Rin scoffed at him. “Haru, I really do. Things are changing but not fast enough for my career to survive. I’m at the end and I just need to make it to 2020 so I can swim at home and then I’ll retire. I’m hanging on to my position, there are plenty of good young swimmers already on the team. Now is when I have my sponsors and can make some decent money. After retirement, that will all fall off naturally. If I rock the boat, I’m pretty sure I’ll lose all that right away, as well as my position within the team. I’m not young and hip, it can’t be spun as reaching the youth of a nation who are more open-minded than their parents.”

 

“Do you think so little of your fans? Of your coaches?” 

 

“Fans have little to do with it until they respond with their wallets. It’s all run by cash. Sponsors are just companies headed by aging Japanese folks. My coaches only have so much control if big money gets pulled.”

 

“Swimming should feel more free than that.” Haruka felt strongly about his passion for water. Water was an element he felt flow through him whenever he immersed himself into it’s embrace. He had been recruited and pushed to continue swimming as a young adult, but he had balked at losing the calming, nurturing energy that pulsed through him when he swam. He had managed to stay in tune with it throughout high school but knew it was an impossibility if he had taken it further, if he had taken it as far as Rin had. 

 

“It should, it usually does, but it’s also my job,” Rin argued with fervor. “I have a son I need to take care of and my career path isn’t so clear a few years down the road. It might be even less clear if I’m completely open about who I am. I’m capable of exercising self-control and not running my mouth to prove some point.”

 

“Doesn’t that get old?” Haruka persisted. He could not let this go easily.

 

“It gets older the older I get,” Rin hesitated. “You know, I was telling the truth in that interview. I don’t really feel like I have the time for a relationship with a woman or a man. I barely have time to function as it is, Gou makes sure I sleep and eat enough. But for some reason, Nanase Haruka, I don’t feel that way since I’ve met you. I want to create time for you.”

 

“But I’m a man.” Haru repeated, collecting his thoughts. “I’ve never hidden who I am, I don’t care what people think. In fact, I met Yui on a double date. We were both with men.”

 

Rin threw his hands up. “I’m happy for you Haru, seriously that’s great you’re open. Come hang out with me in the closet every now and again, we’ll even make out a little, and then you can go back out into the rest of the house talking freely about who you love and that you don’t care. I’ll live vicariously. Someday, when Sou is grown and I already have a job secured after I’m a washed up swimmer, I’ll join you out there. Until then, I have to care about what people think.”

 

A frown crept onto Haruka’s face. “I don’t want to keep you a secret, Rin.”

 

“I don’t want to keep you a secret either, hell, I don’t want to _be_ a secret!” Rin’s voice was louder than it should be. Haruka was grateful for the sizzling sounds that permeated the entire restaurant.

 

“Do you want to be with me, Rin?”

 

“I do, Haru.”

 

“Good. I want to be with you too.” Haruka felt a splash of inspiration, like he was watching a sunset over the ocean and needed to capture it rapidly before it disappeared below the horizon. “How about if I do all the not caring about what people think, and you do all the caring about what people think, and we let the rest work itself out?”

 

Rin smiled fondly. “I don’t know what that means, but I like your optimism.”

 

“It means, I’ll lean over the table towards you and say something quietly like ‘I should probably tell you that I’ve been wanting to touch your chin and run my fingers through your hair again and kiss you so you stop talking about being in the closet’. Then you’ll look at me with huge eyes, scandalized that I’m being so forward out in public and you’ll growl something like ‘if you keep saying things like that, we’ll need to go somewhere more private’. Then I’ll raise my hand to signal the waiter, you’ll pay in a rush because you think I’ll take too long handling the check. After that’s sorted, I’ll grab your arm, pull you off the chair, and tug you towards the door so we can get out of here. You’ll be blushing from anticipation and you’ll mumble ‘Haru’, you might even stammer a little from excitement and it will come out more like ‘H-Haru’, all breathy like that. We’ll reach the bank of elevators and you’ll push the down button seven times because you believe you can force it to come faster that way. When the elevator finally arrives, I’m still holding onto your arm so I’ll end up tugging you inside. I’ll look around and realize no one else is in this elevator, so once the doors slide closed, I’ll push you gently against the back wall and do what I wanted to do in the first place, which is press my thumb into your chin, run my other hand through your hair, and kiss the protests right out of your mouth.”

 

Rin was flushed, jaw practically on the table, as he stared at Haruka. “That’s some good teamwork right there.”

 

Haruka smirked. “Anything for the team, Rin.”

 

He considered the man across from him. While Haruka was disappointed in Rin’s reticence to being out and open, and even more disappointed that there was far too much truth behind his words about Japan and money and people’s _opinions_ , he understood the position. He knew he was in the minority with his lack of concern for societal pressure. For the second time in his life, Haruka wished he was a woman, the first being after his best friend had arrived at the door of his flat in tears, clutching a white stick bearing two pink lines. “I won’t ever do anything that puts your livelihood in jeopardy.” 

 

Haruka raised his arm to get the attention of the waiter. He pressed forward into Rin’s space and lowered his voice. “But I should probably tell you that I want to kiss you right now.”

 

Rin’s wallet was instantaneously in his hand and he pulled out a credit card. He had a grin pulling up a corner of his mouth as he leaned even closer to Haruka. “We should probably go then, eh? It’s a long trip down to the lobby from the seventeenth floor.”

 

**

 

Rin’s shoulder rubbed against Haruka’s as he leaned over to press the button for the ground floor. He turned his head and found his mouth dangerously close to Rin’s, which was temptingly pursed in a slight frown. As the elevator doors began to close, before he could overthink anything about the opportunity presented to him, he leaned forward. His lips felt the heat radiating off the redhead even from a short distance, his pulse pounded in his throat, and through the rushing of the blood in his ears, he heard the elevator doors slide back open.

 

Haruka jumped back so fast his head slammed into the wall, which made Rin flinch and elbow him in the side. With his back pressed firmly against the elevator wall, handrail digging into his back, Haruka panted like he had just surfaced from an all-out hundred meter freestyle sprint. Their shoulders still touched and he felt a current fizzing between them. Was he imagining it? Was he so ready for a partner in life that he would lunge at someone he had known for only a week? No. No, it was Rin when he had the realization last summer that his heart was still churning out feelings as well as pumping blood through his veins. It was Rin when Haruka watched him swim at Nationals and it made him _feel something_. It was Rin before Haruka had met him. Perhaps for him _it had always been Rin_.

 

The couple that entered the elevator were holding hands, the short blonde women only had eyes for her partner, while the stout brunet man give Rin a fleeting glance before turning around. As they zoomed down towards the ground, Haruka could not tear his gaze from them. Not only were their hands woven together, but the woman rested her head gently against the man’s arm. As soon as her head touched his body, he dropped her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, holding her close to him. She turned her head into his shoulder and pressed a kiss to the cloth of his sleeve, which inspired him to tilt his head down and rest it gently on top of hers, his cheek nestled against her loose blonde hair.

 

Haruka glanced at his own partner for the evening. Carmine eyes tracked every movement that unfolded in front of them with longing. He heard Rin sigh and watched his eyebrows draw together as his face pinched in concentration and his fingers twitched. Rin looked over at him. He reached his hand out for Haruka’s. Was this some kind of test? He supposed he should ignore that hand to prove to Rin that he could withstand temptation in the face of other people’s judgment. This was too much deliberation for such a simple gesture. He grabbed for the proffered hand like a lifeline; if Rin was testing him, Haruka would go down fighting and fail spectacularly.

 

The handsome face directed at him broke out into a smile, eyes crinkled, an expression of relief painted all over his his features. Maybe he had not let Rin down by clutching at his hand the way Makoto did when faced with the ocean. Maybe he had read too much into-

 

Oh. _Oh_.

 

Haruka dropped his head to his chest and closed his eyes. He had _passed_ whatever evaluation had just occurred; Rin had asked a silent question and Haruka had responded in kind, though he doubted Rin would hold any reaction against him, barring throwing him to the ground and taking him on the floor of the elevator with an audience. Haruka opened his eyes and stared hard at the floor, dissecting his last thought. Too hard a surface. Someone’s knees would be far too sore tomorrow. His. Rin’s. He did not really care as long as someone’s knees hurt the next day. He blinked. He needed to get his imagination under control especially when _Rin stood right next to him_. He felt his face getting hot and he was sure the other man could feel his palm begin to sweat where their hands were still joined. Maybe he just wanted to hold Haruka’s hand. Holding hands was nice. He would hold Rin’s hand anytime, through anything, as long as he let him.

 

The elevator hit the ground floor and they released each other, Haruka giving a final firm squeeze before letting go. The male half of the duo in front of him turned around as the doors opened and pinned his gaze on Rin.

 

“I’m a huge Olympics guy,” he began in slow, drawled English. Haruka could not place the accent. “Especially the summer Olympics. I love the swimming. That whole first week is incredible, so much action. I’d recognize you anywhere. Matsuoka Rin, right? Is that how you say your name here?”

 

Rin beamed his full-wattage smile at the man and held out his fist for a bump. “It sure is, thanks for learning it the Japanese way. You can call me Rin though. And the swimming is definitely exciting. Part of me can’t wait to watch it as a spectator and be thrilled outside of the pool. What’s your favorite event?”

 

The man did not waste any time in responding. “The medley relay! Nothing more exciting than the best of four different strokes working together to win a medal.”

 

“No way! That’s my favorite too, for the exact same reason. Swimming is so individual, just you versus the clock every time you get in the water. But the relay is the definition of teamwork. You all sink or swim together, as one. There are no weak links, you’re all just one chain, hunting for the same prize.” Rin’s eyes were bright and he sounded exhilarated merely discussing it.

 

“If there are weak links, it’s certainly not you, man. You have the most exciting butterfly stroke. You look like you punch the water out of your way. It’s so fun to watch.” Haruka listened to the gushing, wondering if Rin found the adulation tiresome or flattering.

 

The elevator doors started to close and not one of the four people had moved to exit. The woman tugged her partner’s sleeve. “Come on honey, let’s get going to dinner.” She smiled apologetically at Rin. “I’m sorry to steal him away but he’ll talk sports forever.”

 

“Nice to meet you, man,” Rin gave a head nod and held out his fist again. The man bumped it and gave a wave.

 

They walked off the elevator next into the brightly lit lobby of the Imperial Hotel. “What’s next, second date coordinator?” Haruka playfully inquired, determined to allow Rin to stick to whatever plan he had in mind for the evening.

 

Rin reached into his pocket and his hand emerged holding a folded piece of paper. He smiled shyly. “Well, I wanted to take a walk to see the autumn foliage, so I have the locations of the top ten parks in Tokyo for fall color, along with the coordinating train schedules. Do you want to pick a number between one and ten and see where we end up?” Haruka nodded and the face across from his positively sparkled. “Alright, give me a number from one to ten.”

 

Haruka closed his eyes. This was an important decision, this was Rin including him, ensuring their journeys would be mutual and satisfying. As thoughts of duality and partnership coated his mind, he blurted out the only number that made sense in the moment. “Two.”

 

Rin unfolded his list with a flourish and a gleam in his eyes. “Yoyogi Park in Harajuku it is.” He turned to Haruka, throwing his arm across his shoulders. “This is one of the ones I’m most excited about actually. Let’s see here, it looks like we just need to head to Hibiya Station and get on the Chiyoda line, which goes practically right to the park.”

 

The two men walked the short distance to the train station, where they were just in time for a train towards Shibuya. They stood, grabbing on to the handrail straps, as Rin smirked over at his date. “You gonna talk to me this train ride?”

 

Haruka snorted in amusement, laced with only mild annoyance, and barely refrained from rolling his eyes. “I talk enough.”

 

“Tell me something I don’t know about you, Haru,” wheedled Rin, with a face that made Haruka feel a pang of sympathy for the swimmer’s mother. He already struggled to deny Rin anything and they had only known each other for a week, and he was mystified to consider she had raised him and managed to not acquiesce to all his demands.

 

The train rattled past The National Art Center right as Haruka glanced out the window. “That’s one of my favorite places in the city. That art museum.”

 

Rin raised his eyebrows. “That makes sense, I suppose, I mean, you _are_ an artist. What makes NACT so great?”

 

“Well, it’s got rotating exhibits, which means there’s always something new to see. Most museums have mostly permanent galleries so once you’ve been there a couple times there isn’t anything new to find. On one visit here you can see Renaissance portraiture and modern light installations, and on the next visit you’ll find Impressionist art and a twentieth century Higashiyama Kaii retrospective. It’s never static, there are always different things to discover about the art, about yourself. Makoto loves it there and I love sharing it with him, since art is what brought his mother and I together.” Haruka peered at Rin, whose eyes glittered like rubies with unshed tears and an awed expression. “Don’t cry, Rin.”

 

Instinctively, Rin’s arm shot to his face as he scrubbed a sleeve roughly across his eyes. “I’m not crying. And our stop is coming up next so get ready.”

 

After getting off the train and briefly ambling the streets, they approached Yoyogi Park. Fading greenery and autumnal colors stretched endlessly in front of them, Shinto Shrine off to the right, a cubic blue clock tower to the left, and a long winding footpath directly in front of them.

 

“This clock tower is practically an art installation itself, Haru. What do you think?” Rin inquired purposefully, like whether or not this large structure was a masterpiece or not rested on Haruka’s impromptu critique. He craned his neck to assess the piece, with its flawless timekeeping, sharp edges, and bold color. Despite not being at all how he would paint Rin if he had a canvas and a palette on him, it somehow reminded him of his date. Visions of fiery sunset colors in the background, and a larger than life blue clock tower in the foreground, swam through Haruka’s creative vision and he longed for his home studio, to immortalize this moment, this location, _this Rin_ forever in a painting. The importance of this place, this instant, loomed large. Time had let both of them down in their lives, stealing people too soon, forcing maturity to take root in young soil, keeping them apart when they had so many shared interests and common ground. But time had a plan and waited until the perfect moment for them; Haruka felt their connection, and he knew Rin felt it too.

 

“It looks like scaffolding,” replied Haruka simply, at which Rin barked out a hearty laugh, mumbling something about an unromantic soul, and grabbed for Haruka’s hand to tug him away from the timepiece.

 

Rin glanced around them self-consciously and dropped Haruka’s hand, but slowed his stride to walk alongside Haruka down the path, seeming unwilling to put anymore distance between them. The continual brushing of the backs of their hands was anything but coincidental, and it heated Haruka up, fingers tingling, skin burning.

 

“Did you know this was where the Athletes Village was in 1964?” Rin asked Haruka as they turned onto a smaller path, becoming more immersed in the trees and less surrounded by other people the further they ventured. He heard the burbling of water somewhere off to his right, and signs for a rose garden, which would not be a sight worth seeing this time of the year. “I wonder what that looked like back then, maybe it wasn’t all that different from now.”

 

Haruka had never spent any time thinking about Olympic accommodations beyond peering out the train window at ongoing construction for the 2020 Games, but now wanted to know everything about them. There was not much about Rin’s life that Haruka was not interested in; he feared if the other man told him he enjoyed resoling shoes and preserving animals then Haruka would want to learn more about cobbling and taxidermy. “What are Olympic Villages like now?”

 

“Eh, the rooms themselves are cramped and sterile, although the JOC always gives us Rising Sun bedding to liven it up or whatever, but the rest of it is pulsing. I mean, there are so many athletes from all over the world, in all these different sports, everyone bursting with national pride and yet insane tolerance for everyone. It’s like its own city, with hair salons, post office, medical facilities, food halls, it’s nuts. Language barriers exist but are unimportant, somehow we all just get along and understand each other. It was always my dream to get there, and I’m getting pretty tired, but, I’m gonna miss that for sure. It feels like you’re part of something big, more than sports, and I’ve met a ton of really cool people.” Rin glowed as he talked, Haruka absorbing his radiance.

 

There was a narrow unofficial path up a gradual incline, isolated, heavily tree lined, and bursting with rich color. Haruka gestured to it. “Can we go up there?” Rin agreed enthusiastically, leading the way as they walked single-file up the gravel trail. The walkway ended abruptly at a thick copse of trees, overflowing with apple reds, deep maroons, rusty oranges, muted yellows, and golden browns, changing leaves softly illuminated by the waning sunlight, a stunning autumnal backdrop for Rin. He stood directly underneath a sprawling Japanese maple with vivid crimson leaves that framed him underneath their arcing canopy. Haruka’s breath caught in his throat, all clock tower thoughts out of his head, _now_ he wished for his art studio. He stopped short of joining his date to close his eyes and paint the vision in his head instead.

 

This was their moment, Haruka felt it. He was going to seize it and he was going to make sure Rin seized it with him. This was a ledge they both needed to jump off, and they would jump off together. He was far too old to think romantic gestures, lively banter, sons who got along, and mutual attraction would be enough to avoid roadblocks, stumbles, arguments. Haruka had no experience shielding his behavior from anyone, while Rin had parts of himself locked up so tightly Haruka wondered if he would ever be given the key.

 

Haruka snapped his eyes open and closed the distance towards Rin in a few long strides. He gently put his hands on Rin’s waist and maneuvered him backwards a step until his back rested against the tree trunk. Eyes locked on each other, Haruka was not sure if he wanted to give or to take or to simply pour everything he had into the man before him. His eyes moved down to Rin’s mouth, where sharp teeth bit into a plump pink lip. Haruka swallowed and ran his tongue over his own bottom lip, moving his eyes back up to Rin’s fervent stare. Haruka felt hands on the backs of his elbows, guiding him closer; he was ready to drown in Rin, let the current sweep him away and pull him under. He tilted his head slightly to one side and leaned in, seeing long delicate eyelashes flutter closed. He closed his own eyes and lightly pressed his lips against Rin’s, drawn forward as Rin relaxed even further into the bark at his back and pushed up, deepening their kiss. Haruka felt hands slowly move up his arms, over his shoulders, trail up his neck, until they came to rest on either side of his face, tenderly cupping the back of his head, thumbs tracing the shells of his ears. Haruka slid his hands lower and tightened his grip on Rin’s hips, keeping their mouths and bodies fused together. 

 

After what felt like far too short a time, Haruka paused for breath, wishing he had Olympic swimmers lungs, although the swimmer appeared just as flushed and out of breath as he felt. He tipped his forehead to rest against Rin’s, and breathed in everything Rin exhaled. He languidly opened his eyes to a vision of hazy red, and knew he was completely lost for this man who had found him. As he looked at Rin, who gazed back with a mix of surprise, desire, and affection, Haruka promised himself something; even though they had just taken a leap together, he would never let Rin fall.

 

**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love this verse, you guys. There is just something about them being dads, meeting so late in life, and maneuvering around all their emotional baggage that speaks to me. Sei is up next and it'll be much ~~shorter~~ lighter in tone.


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